Relationship Q&A

Relationship Q&A by popular Chicago lifestyle blogger Visions of Vogue

On a day devoted to all things love, I thought I’d write a post on just that. But with a twist. Earlier this week I asked y’all for relationship questions over on Instagram. And you gals delivered! This relationship Q&A post has something for everyone from single girls to married women.  Trust me. It’s a good one!

I used to hate Valentine’s Day. I spent many years, single on this holiday of love, resenting all things romance. At a point in my life I didn’t even want to watch a rom-com. Thankfully, I had my girls to throw some version of a Galentine’s Day party. Whether that was a group cooking session at home or a crazy pub crawl, it didn’t matter.

Truth be told, it wasn’t until I met Matt that I started coming around to the holiday. It’s probably because he set the bar so high our first year. He sent me on a scavenger hunt around our neighborhood. It ended with David Yurman. To say I was impressed is an understatement.

So what relationship Q&A curveballs did you have for us?

How did we meet?

We met in a Las Vegas nightclub. Yes, you read that right. For the full story, read this post. Matt perfectly recaps how it all went down.

What was Matt’s involvement in wedding planning?

What is a guy’s role in childbirth? It’s nonexistent. It’s to sit back and watch. Maybe throw in a supportive word of encouragement or two. That was Matt’s role in wedding planning… for the most part.

I’m kind of kidding. Matt took an active part in wedding planning when it came to the things that mattered to him. There were three things he helped with.

The playlist. As an avid DJ, Matt was very passionate about this. We both hate overplayed, trite wedding songs so I put him in charge of putting together a list of approved songs. He nailed it from our first dance song (“Thinking Out Loud”) to the first song where everyone danced (“Shut up and Dance”) to a little “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys (a crowd favorite).

The food tasting. Being vegetarian, I was obviously unqualified for the job since half of our guests were on the Chicago diet: all meat. He gladly accepted this responsibility accompanied by my mother. We also opted to do a gelato bar instead of a cake. That might have been his favorite part of wedding planning right there.

Shuttles. Since he works in logistics/supply chain, I thought this would be a natural fit. I didn’t want to deal with it so I delegated it to him. He didn’t have a choice on this one.

Matt said that walking into the wedding day was like showing up at a surprise party. You can see the details here. He loved it. Thank goodness he approved of my taste. To be honest, I loved wedding planning too so I was beyond willing to handle all of this. It’s different for every couple though so talk through it. Divide and conquer. But don’t expect him to help you choose your linens. Trust me, you’re lucky to get an answer let alone a nod in the direction of one.

What are 3 tips for single girls (from a guy’s perspective)? 

I told you there was something for everyone. Even single girls. Remember, I was one! But you guys seemed to want Matt’s advice on this one. He ate it up. He loves helping my single friends respond to guys on Tinder or whatever. So what did he say? This:

Let him come to you. It’s very basic advice but often ignored: if a guy likes you, he’ll text you. If he doesn’t like you, he won’t. I know the popular opinion is that men are dumb, I can’t argue that. But I can say with confidence that in the history of dating there’s been very few cases where a guy is really interested in a girl and just decided to stop talking to her. So if you’re consistently having to ask yourself the age old question, “should I text him?” the answer is no.

Don’t over creep. In the age of Tinder, Google, and various means of social media, you can practically find out a dude’s life story before your first date. Between the thousands of photos and hundreds of Tweets, you can be fooled into making the determination whether or not this relationship will have a future or not. It’s human nature to be curious and to partake in high level stalking, but my recommendation would be to use your self control and keep this at a minimum.  Unconscious bias is a real thing, and you shouldn’t write a guy off because of a few unflattering photos. Because unlike women, we don’t meticulously filter our tagged photos on Facebook.

Trust yourself over your friends. You see it all the time, girls getting peer-pressured into making relationship decisions following their friends advice. While I agree that being emotionally invested in something does skew your thought process and decision making, ultimately you should trust yourself and yourself only with your choices. Why do we put so much stake into what our friends think anyways? Weren’t they just in this same predicament six months ago? They aren’t dating experts, neither am I. If you want to go on another date with someone, go do it! And if you want to move from Chicago to Los Angeles to be with someone you’ve been dating for three months, knock yourself out. You may just get married.

What do you fight about most?

Let me preface this with saying that we don’t really fight. Neither one of us are fighters. Matt’s conflict adverse and after being married to him, I’m probably a little emotional. Ok, a lot. I swear I wasn’t like that until we started dating. I always joke with him and say he gave me a heart. Our “fights” are more like excited conversations usually followed by an over-expression of love for the other as an explanation for why we got upset. 99% of the time it’s because we care so much about the other or what the other thinks. It’s weird.

That being said, there’s one thing that comes to the top of mind that pops up more frequently than not. And it’s blog photos. Working with your spouse is difficult. Creating the perfectly curated photo is a challenge when your man would rather be eating hot wings and watching baseball on the couch. You can imagine the “excited conversations” that ensue. While I love my Instagram husband, it isn’t always smooth sailing.

What is one thing that annoys you about the other?

Me: How he leaves cereal crumbs on the kitchen counter every single morning.

Him: When she doesn’t communicate properly. 

Yes, I’m guilty of wanting him to guess what I’m thinking.

What is one thing that you love about the other? 

Me: His personality and sense of humor. I can’t choose between these two. 

Him: Just one? Her voice.

Where are you traveling to next?

We’re so behind on planning this year’s travel! The next thing we have is spring training for baseball in March! If you have any recommendations, let me know!

Do you have any questions you’d love for us to answer next time? Leave them below and I’ll include them in our next relationship Q&A!

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