After almost 5 years of living together and 5.5 years since we met in a Vegas nightclub, Matt and I realized there are still mysteries in our relationship. They’re less about what the other person does at this point and more about why. You know, those shake your head moments that are so frustrating you can’t do anything but laugh? Or maybe shake your head and sink into the couch a little more? That’s what we’re talking about today. We rounded up a few of the habits that neither of us can seem to understand below. Hope you enjoy this peek into our cohabitation!
Hair that is everywhere.
Her: I feel like living with Matt has made me qualified to be a gorilla’s zookeeper. Based on the trail of hair he leaves behind him, you’d think he’d be bald everywhere by now. However, he’s still as hairy as ever (just like a gorilla).
Him: That’s not even my hair. I don’t know whose it is, but it’s not mine. Maybe it is mine, but all medical journals point to healthy heads of hair falling out pretty frequently. Do I sound like someone in denial about my hair loss? Good, because I am in denial about my hair loss.
Leaving the toilet seat up.
Her: Matt is usually really good about this. However, I swear every now and then he leaves a toilet seat up just to spite me. I can just imagine him cackling as I fall into the toilet bowl during the middle of the night. It’s like having a dog that pees on the rug when you leave the house to go run an errand. They know they’re doing something wrong but they do it anyway. Just to remind you you’re not in complete control.
Him: The only time I get a break from this is when I’m traveling for work. I’ve spent a lot of time working on my “aim” so that now I just leave the seat down and just shoot through the middle. It’s like playing Russian roulette but even when I lose, I’m not the one having to sit on that sticky seat. Just kidding, I will wipe up the mess…most of the time.
On falling asleep.
Her: It takes Matt about 120 seconds after his head hits the pillow to go into hibernation mode. After 5 years, I know the exact second he’s asleep and it makes me infuriated. How is it that easy? My mind doesn’t slow down until I’ve been in bed for at least an hour. Not only that, but Matt’s falling asleep isn’t confined to the bed. On the couch while we are watching a movie together or like last year, he fell asleep during the Phantom of the Opera at the Pantages Theatre with all of our friends.
Him: I don’t care if it’s a bed, couch, tent, or bathroom floor, if I close my eyes I’m out within minutes. Why should I feel guilty for this? It’s called efficiency. Falling asleep is just like getting ready for a night out, men are going to do it in a fraction of the time.
What do you want to do for dinner?
Her: I think I ask this question every night at least 2 times. I already know what I want. I just need to know what he wants to eat. Is that such a big ask? Then I can determine if I want to acknowledge that or completely disregard it in favor of whatever I’m craving!
Him: You think you have it bad? My wife is vegetarian, imagine how picky she is! 75% of the places are immediately thrown out as options. Fast food burger joints? Steakhouses? Seafood restaurants? I’m stuck picking between the salad bar and Chipotle. You’d think making the decision a literal coin flip would make it easier, but it’s not. The last question on every game show should be “what do you want for dinner?” Nobody would ever win.
Her: We have a deal (or so I thought). I cook, he cleans. I feel like this is pretty standard. However, dishes sit… and sit… and sit. For days. And I let them. Hoping he will get the hint. He doesn’t. How could I be so optimistic? So then I end up doing them. Of course that means lots of scrubbing, nails breaking, and tons more effort than it should be. Last I checked, my name wasn’t Cinderella. To all men, help out around the house.
Him: So I leave dishes in the sink overnight, sometimes days at a time. Big deal, haven’t you heard of “soaking” them. Ok, so there is no water or soap on them, and the food has crusted over into what resembles concrete, but I’m just testing the limits of the dishwasher. I’d like to know how it performs under less than ideal playing conditions so I can write an accurate and informative review online. Plus, by waiting for the dishes to pile up in the sink before loading them up it’s just called efficiency.
Her: For the 4 years we lived in LA, I was responsible for laundry. Living in an apartment building, we had to stock up on quarters and use the communal machines – it was the worst. Literally the worst. So when we moved to Chicago, you better believe this was at the top of my requirements list for our new apartment. Matt has done laundry once since we moved and reminds me of it incessantly. You’d think he gave me a kidney. Note that his version of “doing the laundry” was just sticking everything in the washer. That’s the easiest part!! If I’m not aware of him “doing the laundry” we end up with clothes that smell like mildew because he forgot to stick them in the dryer or hang them up to air dry.
Him: It’s not the laundry that’s a problem, it’s the folding of laundry that’s the issue. Such a mundane and repetitive activity. I understand why postal workers are so angry all the time, because like the mail, laundry never stops. Once you think you’re through it all, it just piles up again. It’s inevitable just like death and taxes. With all that said, I make it a priority to do the laundry because that’s what dream husbands are made of. I might just throw all of it in there at once, wash on cold, and forget about it for days at a time until they are wrinkled to a crisp, but that’s just my style. Don’t tell me how to live my life.
Do you live with your significant other? Is there anything that you two can’t seem to see eye to eye on? For more posts like this, be refunde to click the Lifestyle category at the top of the page or just go here!